Kathy Labriola LOVES Kitty Chambliss' "Jealousy Survival Guide!" Kitty Chambliss is best known for her “Loving Without Boundaries” podcast. However, she is also making waves with her terrific “Jealousy Survival Guide.” This book asks these key questions:“Who do you want to show up as? Do you want to be a frazzled, crazed, drama-creating, stressed-out person who gets in a jealous rage and potentially damages your relationships? Or do you want to come from a compassionate, loving, understanding place, practicing patience with yourself and others, and create inner peace for yourself and a feeling of safety for others?” Kitty’s book is filled with step by step instructions to help you overcome many of the most common challenges of jealousy in polyamorous relationships. As world-renowned polyamory scholar Dr. Eli Sheff says, “Kitty does the homework for you,” calling the book “A delightfully useful read!” First, Kitty outlines some of those jealousy experiences that will probably sound familiar to poly folks: possessiveness, low self-esteem, need for control, vulnerability, fears of loss. She identifies 3 types of jealous reactions: Disruptive jealousy: trying to sabotage your partner’s relationships or punish your partner for having another relationship,Constructive jealousy: riding out your jealous feelings, asking for support, and “building your jealousy muscles” with repeated practice,, and Compersion: behaving lovingly to your partner and their other partners and gradually developing positive and supportive feelings towards your partner having other relationships. She outlines her four-part program to help you move from disruptive jealousy to constructive jealousy and eventually to some amount of compersion.The first component of her program is Defusion, which means detaching as much as possible from our jealous fears of losing our partner or receiving less of their time and attention, and questioning whether these are actually a reflection of reality. Second in her program is Compassion: using mindfulness techniques to develop and practice loving kindness towards ourselves, our partners, and our metamours. Third is what Kitty calls “Commitment to your personal core values.” She provides a terrific exercise for identifying our core values, including your values about relationships and how you can be your best self in your relationships. Last but DEFINITELY not least, the forth component of her program is Communication, developing excellent communication skills and communicating calmly, clearly, lovingly, and frequently with your partner about your feelings, needs, and desires,. While good communication is important in any relationship, the complexity of CNM relationships and the intense feelings that can be triggered in poly situations requires a much higher level of communication skills, and Kitty provides lots of communication techniques, as well as links to additional training and resources to improve communication in your relationships. Thanks Kitty for showing us how it’s done!” Want to make your poly journey easier and with more joy and less angst? This is a "must have" book for your “polyamory bookshelf,” and is packed with great techniques for how to manage and reduce your jealousy in CNM relationships.
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We help people live their most authentic lives – free from jealousy/insecurity, shame/guilt, and the pain of infidelity – in the open relationship and sex positivity space, so that they feel unstoppable and fall back in love with themselves!
