TW - suicideOctober was a tough month. My teeny tiny GI-Joe of a Father in Law lost the battle with his mental health and took his life just as we were starting Quantum October.My partner, shattered. My stepson, broken beyond all reason - he had buried his maternal grandmother barely 2 months before (and we love his mum, Mike’s ex wife - so we heavily supported her and her siblings through that).The month was a blur of memorials, grief, balancing families, 2 weddings, more family staying at my house than I thought possible, and a hell of a lot of heartache.But through the chaos and the turmoil I kept listening to the clearings and the daily talks. Even if I wasn’t “listening” and just doing client work with Paget’s dulcet tones soothing me in my ears.I listened. I did my best.I did it messy.I did it when it was hard.I did it when it was unfair.I did it recklessly.Results:I raised my prices and signed 5 new clients at that price off the back of me responding to one FB post. I didn’t even email anyone or post to our business page.My partner and I have had many MANY talks about life, love and business and through his grief and turmoil, we’ve grown closer and more aligned.There have been signs upon signs upon signs upon signs this month - unaligned clients leaving, new super aligned clients coming in, an outpouring of support and love from the WEIRDEST of places, clients paying early, clients ASKING to raise their rates and go on retainer, old friends reaching out, forgotten branches of the family tree rushing in to support and old wounds healed.My goals and focus has shifted more in the last couple weeks than it has in years. I can feel the limiting blocks getting smaller.I can feel the synchronicities lining up with me - even the smallest little desire is getting answered.A weird example of that is just before the funeral the curtain rail bent in the master bedroom, and my curtain and undercuratin thing were hanging down.It was driving me nuts - but I didn’t have the mental capacity or physical time to fix it and I didn’t say a word out loud.My sister in law, who was staying with us saw it, very quietly took the car, got a replacement rail and undercurtain thing, fixed it and just didn’t say a word until I noticed.The visceral reaction I had when I saw that and how it’s made me obscenely happy and grateful and appreciative everyday opening and closing our curtains…?! Like, it’s such a non-event in the current landscape but it’s just another way I know I’m being taken care of.It’s like the deepest, quietest little desires are being answered without me saying word out loud.And those who run their own service businesses will know when a tragedy like this happens it can impact your business and your livelihood, especially when you are both in the business.We didn’t have to touch a penny of savings and we were able to give my partner a couple weeks off.It all just worked out.October was one HELL of a month.But we did it.We did it messy, and recklessly... and we are infinitely better for it (shocking to say that in the midst of so much emotional chaos but it’s true).Because if you just do the work (as imperfectly and starting from wherever you are) the energy will rush in to fill the space where the blocks were, as they are removed.Thank you Paget.Your insights, your clearings and happy voice has helped me get through one of the most difficult parts of my life and, somehow, thrive.
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