So I took a star. I’m keeping it. It’s mine until returns are free. I will lock it away, deep within the bowels of the Armstrong and Getty compound. A keep where souls suffer steadfastly. A dark and damp place where hopes fade and dreams are horrifically deformed by bludgeoning. Until returns are free, the 5th star will be anything but free. I will keep it buried so far down in the dungeons beyond the Acheron and erase its existence from my memory. The star will never join its four sibling stars in the gilded ranks of perfection, unless the heroic act of “free returns” graces the patrons of TacticalGear.com . This star, representing perfection and flawless execution, will remain in my metaphorical "Chateau d’If" possibly until the end of time. Even if the TacticalGear.com team changes their ways, I may have completely forgotten all about this review and forgotten about the star! So I will say this, if the day comes when returns are made free, when the company is big enough to afford free returns; consider this a 5 star rating. But because at the time of this authoring the free nature of returns was absent, so too the 5th star is absent and will remain absent for the reasons mentioned above, no need to go into all of that… again… that would be superfluous. I mean, why would I even type all of that again? Why would I type it in the first place? Maybe I’m bored? Maybe I’m crazy? Maybe I’m crazy bored and the one time I ever paid for a return was because the shirt size for a medium fit was so outrageous it fit like an XL and it was so jarring to pay for something as simple as a return/exchange that I wanted to return the favor with an equally jarring, time consuming, and confusing distraction from your normal life. So the real reason for this nonsense, is to take time away from you as you’ve taken from me. And that time, that I’ve taken, will be given life and a personality, and it will join the 5th star in the keep, deep down beyond the Acheron, in howling suffering, with eternally chafed skin and sore bones, and it will be lost forever down there. I win. I’ve won. I have defeated your process. You are my prisoner in this moment. Google gave me 4000 characters and I chose to ensnare the senses and bewilder the mind with this meretricious display of Burger King commercial style storytelling.Good luck to you, traveler. May you find your way. May you find free returns at TacticalGear.com in the near future. In case you were wondering: this was 2502/4000 characters.
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